Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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