last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
