We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
