The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
