I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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