Already got asked if we're dating
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
