Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my phone needs a breathalizer
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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