She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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