I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
