1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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