In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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