my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
