Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
