At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
