So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
