Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I need to stop coming to work sober
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
