is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
