so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
