She said her name was "party"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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