At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
