Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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