Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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