Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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