It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
