I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
