We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
