So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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