yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
