I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
