When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
