I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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