Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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