thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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