SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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