Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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