I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
