she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
