life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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