Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
