Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
