quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
