his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
