I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
