You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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