you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
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I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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