Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
