I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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