someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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