EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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