You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
