Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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