you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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