A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
