remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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