my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
