how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
