drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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