Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i came on her dog
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
