May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
