brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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