Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
