covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
