I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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