Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
