I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
