i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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